Page of Quotes



Marriage, Once, by Clinton Fein

(Reprinted here with permission from the premiere issue of
HERO Magazine)

No State, territory, or possession of the United States , or Indian tribe, shall be required to give effect to any public act, record, or judicial proceeding of any other State, territory, possession, or tribe respecting a relationship between persons of the same sex that is treated as a marriage under the laws of such other State, territory, possession, or tribe, or a right or claim arising from such relationship.
And so it came to pass that the Defense of Marriage Act was introduced in the United States House of Representatives (H.R. 3396) by Representatives Bob Barr (R-GA) and Steve Largent (R-OK) and in the United States Senate (S. 1740) by Senator Don Nickles (R-OK). Soon after, in the dead of night as if to hide his deed, Bill Clinton signed it.

First off, if nothing else, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is unconstitutional. The "full faith and credit" clause of the Constitution, by which states are bound, was implemented to ensure that the laws of one state were respected in another. In essence, all Judgments, including marriage and divorce, must be accorded full faith and credit from one state to the next. Secondly, the First Amendment states very clearly that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." When Judeo-Christian values determine legal definitions, the very notion of religious freedom is violated.

There is a delicious irony here. If, as the name suggests, marriage needs to be defended, the question arises as to who and what it is that threatens it. To begin with, Robert Barr who wrote the Act, definitely supports the notion of marriage. He's been married three times. He must have confused "till death do us part" with "till divorce do us part." Newt Gingrich on the other hand, didn't regard divorce with quite the same sanctity as he claims to place on marriage. "Sorry about the cancer darling, but about that divorce" delivered to his wife in a hospital doesn't quite capture the "in sickness and in health" line of the sacred marriage vows he swore to uphold.

But the issue is not about how we treat the spouses we marry, nor is it about marriage simply serving the purpose of procreation as has been posited by many a politician. If that were the case, Bob Dole wouldn't have been quite so quick as to invalidate his bedless marriage to Elizabeth. And Bill Clinton wouldn't have justified his signing the Act to strengthen the family if it meant no more blow jobs in Arkansas hotel rooms. Or confusing giving flowers with [having sex with] Flowers.

The protection of our children was piously expressed on the floor of Congress. Conveniently omitting that homosexuals have children, and are as interested in protecting the rights of their children as heterosexuals are. Parents of children who are lesbian or gay have every right to ensure that those children are protected too. if we're protecting children, we don't only protect some children, we protect all children. The Defense of Marriage Act is nothing short of treacherous to the well being of children.

California Judge Nancy Brown ensured that Lyle Menendez married Anna Erikson, murder convictions aside, and no one seemed to question it. Is this the Defense of Marriage everyone is making such a fuss over? Queers will destroy the institution, and we need to protect it from them, but killing parents strengthens the family, and convicted murderers will respect the sanctity of this blessed institution.

Since the crime of sodomy was also thrown into the mix, it should be mentioned that same gender marriage is not simply about sex. It's about the recognition and associated responsibilities, benefits and rewards for maintaining or attempting to achieve a loyal, mutually respectful commitment to a partner and ideally to love, honor and cherish till death or divorce do them part. The sex part is coincidental.

If all couples, regardless of gender, don't achieve the basic rights afforded their heterosexual counterparts, then at the very least, tax reductions would be in order since it is legally, socially and economically unjust for homosexuals to foot the bill for rights and benefits they are denied.

The all too familiar shrieks of how same-sex marriages will erode the institution of marriage suggest an inability on the part of these heterosexuals to manage the institution they are laying claim to. If the proponent of the Defense of Marriage Act were truly committed to protecting and defending the institution, their new federal definition would have read: "In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word 'marriage' means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, ONCE."


This is a scene from Armisted Maupin's More Tales Of the City (1980 The Chronicle Publishing Company).

In this scene, Michael ("Mouse") is in the hospital and is dictating a letter to be sent to his parents. In the letter he tells them for the first time that he is gay, in response to a letter from them complaining about homosexuals, related to Anita Bryant's Save the Children campaign.

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. Every time I try to write to you and Papa I realize I'm not saying the things that are in my heart. That would be O.K., if I loved you any less than I do, but you are still my parents and I am still your child.

I have friends who think I am foolish to write this letter. I hope they're wrong. I hope their doubts are based on parents who loved and trusted them less than mine do. I hope especially that you'll see this as an act of love on my part, a sign of my continuing need to share my life with you.

I wouldn't have written, I guess, if you hadn't told me about your involvement in the Save Our Children campaign. That, more than anything, made it clear that my responsibility was to tell you the truth, that your own child is homosexual, and that I never needed saving from anything except the cruel and ignorant piety of people like Anita Bryant. I'm sorry. Mama. Not for what I am, but for how you must feel at this moment. I know what that feeling is, for I felt it for most of my life. Revulsion, shame, disbelief- rejection through fear of something I knew, even as a child, was as basic to my nature as the color of my eyes.

No, Mama, I wasn't "recruited". No seasoned homosexual ever served as my mentor. But you know what? I wish someone had. I wish someone older than me and wiser than the people in Orlando had taken me aside and said, "You're all right, kid. You can grow up to be a doctor or a teacher just like anyone else. You're not crazy or sick or evil. You can succeed and be happy and find peace with friends- all kinds of friends- who don't [define you by] who you go to bed with. Most of all, though, you can love and be loved, without hating yourself for it." But no one ever said that to me. Mama. I had to find it out on my own, with the help of the city that has become my home. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but San Francisco is full of men and women, both straight and gay, who don't consider sexuality in measuring the worth of another human being.

These aren't radicals or weirdos. Mama. They are shop clerks and bankers and little old ladies and people who nod and smile to you when you meet them on the bus. Their attitude is neither patronizing nor pitying. And their message is so simple: Yes, you are a person. Yes, I like you. Yes, it's all right for you to like me too.

I know what you must be thinking now. You're asking yourself: What did we do wrong? How did we let this happen? Which one of us made him this way?

I can't answer that. Mama. In the long run, I guess I really don't care. All I know is this: If you and Papa are responsible for the way I am, then I thank you with all my heart, for it's the light and the joy of my life.

I know I can't tell you what it is to be gay. But I can tell you what it is not.

It's not hiding behind words. Mama. Like family and decency and Christianity. It's not fearing your body, or the pleasures that God made for it. It's not judging your neighbor, except when he's crass or unkind.

Being gay has taught me tolerance, compassion and humility. It has shown me the limitless possibilities of living. It has given me people whose passion and kindness and sensitivity have provided a constant source of strength.

It has brought me into the family of man. Mama, and I like it here. I like it.

There's not much else I can say, except that I'm the same Michael you've always known. You just know me better now. I have never consciously done anything to hurt you. I never will.

Please don't feel you have to answer this right away. It's enough for me to know that I no longer have to lie to the people who taught me to value the truth.

Mary Ann sends her love.

Everything is fine at 28 Barbary Lane.

Your loving son,

MICHAEL


While I do not agree with the British decision to make the legal age for sexuality under 18 for any sexual orientation, I do agree that it is discriminatory to have 18 be the age of consent for homosexuals, and 16 for heterosexuals. This article, entitled "Can heterosexuality be as tedious as our clergy and politicians believe?" is about this debate.

Excerpt from an article by David Aaronovitch

...[regarding Stuart Bell's comments] arguing that the amendment [lowering the age of consent for homosexual teens to 16 years old] will "undermine family life." And goes on to ask whether, "if we adults reduce the age of homosexual consent, are we saying to teenagers it is OK to try it?"

Yep. That's what we are saying, Stuart. But are you saying that heterosexuality is so tedious, so unattractive that, given half a chance the more red-blooded of today's teenage boys would soon find themselves cracking whips over PVC-clad musclemen in Berlin night-clubs? Stuart and Leo seem to believe that most of us are repressed homosexuals, nailed with difficulty to the narrow board of conventional family life. Speak for yourself, boys.

...the bishops of the Church of England, who issued a statement over the weekend, stating that, "we are concerned that the proposal... [sic] may give wrong messages to young people and to our socity as a whole."

What wrong messages? That we value gay teenagers as much as straight ones? That we believe that equality before the law will turn happy hets into homos?


This is a quote from Melanie Morrison's book, The Grace of Coming Home. Melanie is a lesbian, feminist, Christian pastor who talks about her struggle with herself of coming out to her fellow Christians. There is much talk about loving the sinner and hating the sin with the issue of homosexuality in today's Christian world. Here is Melanie's perspective on that issue, in her response to some of her congregants who gave her their opinion about loving her, but not being able to affirm her "behavior."

p. 25. "How can you say that you love me," I responded, "when you don't want to know either my pain or my joy? No, I don't think you can say that you love me, because what you call 'sin' (the love I share with April), I call a grace-filled relationship, and what you call your inability to condone, I call the sin of heterosexism. There's a serious rupture between us, and we can't gloss over it with easy talk about loving the sinner while hating the sin. For you to call the most intimate and cherished relationship in my life 'sinful' is a very serious charge. It's a violent thing to say. Furthermore, you can't offer me love on one hand while denying me justice with the other, because love and justice are inseparable. No, I'm sorry, I won't grant you your wish to think that you can love me anyway."


This isn't a "gay" quote, but it's from a gay movie, Latter Days. Jacqueline Bisset has just come out of the hospital, her chronically ill husband having just died. She is sitting on a bench weeping and Steven Sandvoss, who plays young Mormon missionary "Elder Aaron," sees her and sits to comfort her. She resists, not comfortable with public displays of grief. Elder Aaron asks her if she reads the Sunday Comics, and says

"Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected. And it's beautiful; and it's funny; and it's good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now. "


Quotes About Ignorance gnornance, Tolerance and Rights

Albert Einstein: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Daniel J Boorstin: The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

Thomas Jefferson: Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong.

Aldous Huxley: At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.

John Stuart Mill: Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Malcolm Forbes: The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.

Eleanor Holmes Norton: The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with.

Paulo Freire: Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.

Pearl S. Buck: You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Moshe Dayan: If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.

Harry A. Blackmun: In order to get beyond racism, we must first take account of race. There is no other way. And in order to treat some persons equally, we must treat them differently.

Jane Addams: The good we secure for ourselves is precarious and uncertain until it is secured for all of us and incorporated into our common life.

Henri-Fr�d�ric Amiel: Liberty, equality - bad principles! The only true principle for humanity is justice; and justice to the feeble is protection and kindness.

Abraham Joshua Heschel: The problem to be faced is: how to combine loyalty to one's own tradition with reverence for different traditions.

Bertrand Russell: Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.

Eric Hoffer: The capacity for getting along with our neighbor depends to a large extent on the capacity for getting along with ourselves. The self-respecting individual will try to be as tolerant of his neighbor's shortcomings as he is of his own.

Rene Dubos: Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival.

Voltaire: What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature.


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"Open your eyes. Don't let your mind tell the story here." Tonic, 1996

"Our lies have made us angry with the truth." Five O'Clock People, 1997