Gay Marriage

My own position on gay marriage

I am strongly in support of legalizing gay marriages and changing the ideology of our churches to support same-sex relationships. There are two primary reasons for this:

Spirituality

From a spiritual perspective, as many segments of the American church continue to propagate the theology that homosexuality is sin (see my Biblical defense of homosexuality), it drives many people away from the church, and from God. I personally know gay people who have absorbed the cultural ideology of a church that "hates" because of the strong, intolerant stance many churches have taken regarding homosexuality, and on many other issues that seem to have nothing to do with our primary tasks as Christians: Loving God with all of our heart and soul and strength and mind, and loving our neighbor as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Because they perceive the church as an organization based on legalism and hatred, they therefore tend to take one of two approaches to spirituality: either 1) there is no reason for spirituality, since if God existed, His spokespeople (the church) would not be so ignorant and angry; or 2) that they must seek out their own spirituality, alone and unguided, since there is no room in the church for them.

This state of affairs is reprehensible. Many congregations have begun to see this and are making changes in their attitudes toward "the world." While the church has no business condoning sinful behavior just to get people into church, it also has no business condoning or engaging in acts of ignorance, violence, and intolerance when it comes to human rights violations or spiritual oppression. Even churches that do not condone homosexuality, such as many Vineyard churches, have begun to take an open approach to their dealings with homosexuals and other "sinners" (even many Evangelical churches are beginning to heal the deception that has kept them from accepting homosexuality--follow this link). This approach can give them a chance for healing from the wounds that Satan, society, and other churches have imposed on them. Regardless of the congregation's position on the person's behavior, our task is to preach Christ and Him Crucified (1 Co 2:2), and let God's love do its work in the person's life. For while we were still sinner's Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). He did not require us to become perfect, then open His love to us. Similarly, should not we as the church open our love to the sinful world, in the prayerful hopes that God will move these people (as we once were; 1 Corinthians 6:11) into a right relationship with Him?

Regardless of a congregation's stance on homosexuality, when the church engages the political and legal system in a fight against gay marriage for the sake of "family values" and preventing the moral decline of America, let that congregation think about our duty as Christians in this world. We are never called upon to engage government any where in Scripture. Legislating morality is a fruitless effort. God clearly showed us that in the history of the Israelites in the Old Testament. Law solves nothing. Only a change of heart and spirit is what is important and will create true change. It's as if God showed us a 4000-year-long object-lesson to prove to us the futility of law in order to create better humans.

Driving people away from God and away from our churches is not the churches' job. Yet it is what we have done. It is what countless homosexuals have had to overcome in order to come to, or return to, a faith in Jesus Christ. Reparative therapies, which are psychological interventions to change the homosexual into heterosexuals, have been condemned by the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, and the American Psychiatric Association as more harmful than beneficial. We should stop our fruitless and sinful attempts to force people into change and should preach to them the love of God, not the hatred of mis-informed theology, cultural biases, and political gain.

Psychological/Sociological/Medical

Another reason why I have a strong desire to support gay marriage is to increase the mental and physical health of the gay community. Our cultural erosion of family values is not due to an alleged homosexual agenda. The inordinate suicide rate of gay youth, increasing STD's among both homosexual and heterosexual populations, and 50% divorce rate are not due to the church's failure to oppress homosexuality, or to adequately boycott NYPD Blue. It is due to the church's failure to be Christ's blood to our culture. Our children are inundated by the cultural ideals propagated by the church and a conflicting reality. The traditional church has received certain cultural values from a generation of parents raised in the 40's and 50's--that a man and a woman should marry, have a couple of kids, purchase a house with a picket fence, and then the world will be a good place. As long as we make sure that the Communists and homosexuals don't invade our public schools and convert Wally and Beave, then we will all live happily ever after. However, this is not how the majority of Americans live. Most children live in homes which have never had a father, or are torn by divorce. At least 20% of our children have been sexually abused (possibly 30%), and many more have been physically abused or are malnutritioned. Too many become run-aways, drug addicts, or victims of suicide or even homicide, because Satan has overtaken our churches and our culture, and consequently our children's minds.

The current generation has grown up without the benefit of seeing that two people can commit to one another permanantly and stay together through hardship. Heterosexuals at least have a cultural ideology which supports their desires to attempt marriage. While most don't have the psycho-social models to sustain or believe in marriage, many at least attempt marriage. Many others don't. Many engage in sex-acts with whomever they meet on a particular night, not pursing a relationship, and not wanting a relationship. The same is true of homosexuals, who have an even greater disadvantage. Since American culture and the American church has traditionally defined marriage as a man and woman, only heterosexuals have the Weltanschaung to consider marriage as a viable (though unlikely) option in their relationships. Homosexuals do not have this benefit.

Homosexuals have been ingrained with the ideology that their behavior is morally corrupting, spiritually sinful, and legally inappropriate. Twenty states still have sodomy laws prohibiting homosexual behavior in any context. With this mindset, the homosexual cannot see him/herself as capable of a long-term relationship. While a similar effect is being seen in the heterosexual community, the effect is much more pronounced in the gay community because there are no role-models, or cultural acceptance for gay marriage. Many homosexuals, consequently, continue to engage in high risk sexual behaviors, and do not seek the fulfillment of a marriage relationship. While some people are satisfied with living a single, celibate life, most people aren't. Most people desire relational and sexual intimacy with another person. Both of these can occasionally and partially be achieved by persons engaging in high risk sexual behavior. However, it is rarely psychologically, socially, or medically safe to do so.

These are some of the effects the church has had on American mental and physical health because of its unyielding grip on irreality. The church should never condone immorality. However, it should similarly never tie cultural ideals and non-Biblical concepts to the Gospel. Such are "family values" and traditionalism in our churches. The closest thing to a boycott Jesus did was storming the temple because the church leaders had turned the sacrifice system into a way of making money and controlling the people. I think Jesus would boycott many of today's churches. Rather than supporting the mental, spiritual and physical health of our families (single parent, gay, inter-racial, etc.), we condemn and prohibit those who don't conform to our expectations. We make them feel guilty for existing as they do, and sin by trying to force them into our own beliefs about what families should look like, rather than showing them Christ's love. If the church fails to support all types of families, including gay families, then our culture's opinion of the church, of sexuality, of relational permanancy and intimacy will continue to degrade, propagating STD's, mental health issues, spiritual insufficiency, and social unrest.

Conclusions

In pointing out the historical error of the church in our view of "family values" and our treatment of the homosexual, what is my point? We must stop allowing our churches and our culture from prohibiting gay marriage. When American culture can see gay relationships as a viable form of marriage, that will be a marker for the gay community to recognize themselves as acceptable to our culture. The goal is to create a gay ideology:

which ceases to be one of moral unacceptability,
which ceases to see his/her sexuality as sinful,
which comes to a personal understanding that s/he is capable of a monogamous, long-term relationship, and
which sees him/herself as acceptable before God.

When we have accomplished this, then we will see a gay community that can once again become whole, rather than having to rely on promiscuity for sexual and relational fulfillment, neither of which can truly occur outside of a long-term relationship. The health benefits from this are decreases in both sexually transmitted diseases and the drug abuse associated with the cruising scene. The mental health benefits from this are increased social support networks for gay youth and adults because of increased awareness of homosexuality, and more stable families developing in the gay community. Most important is the spiritual benefit of a community which sees the church as an ally and guide, not as an enemy. God gave us the church to be a place of growth and spiritual support, and it is next to impossible to maintain a dynamic, purposeful, orthodox faith outside of the context of the church. It is, therefore, essential for the church to be a leader in supporting gay rights, especially in regards gay marriage.

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"Open your eyes. Don't let your mind tell the story here." Tonic, 1996